


Insomnia

by SheLovedTooEasily



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fallen Castiel, M/M, Post Season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:42:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheLovedTooEasily/pseuds/SheLovedTooEasily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One of the biggest challenges that Castiel has to face now that he's an ordinary human, is going to sleep for the first time in his existence. Lucky for him, he has Dean Winchester to help him with that…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first attempt at writing Destiel. Please be gentle, I tried to keep the characters as realistic as possible, but writing this ship is all kinda new to me. Enjoy!

Dean Winchester had never found watching another human being sleep even remotely interesting. Thank god he hadn't, because watching people sleep was something only creepers did. Alright, to be more precise; creepers and Castiel. The former angel seemed to have some weird fetish, seeing as he had unintentionally made it clear on more than one occasion that watching Dean sleep was one of his favorite activities.

Which made Dean wonder if this was an angel thing, or more like a Castiel thing. And curious as Dean was, he had even caught himself watching several of his one night stands while they'd been fast asleep after a wild night with the hunter, just to see what the allure was. And had quickly discovered that there was none. Watching one of his many temporary distractions sleep was actually boring as hell, no pun intended. None of the girls' sleeping forms could hold his interest for longer than a minute or so.

It made him think that maybe it was more like an act of fondness, and that it only was interesting when the subject of your observation was someone you cared about, which could hardly be said for any of his random hookups.

Seeing as him and Sammy frequently shared motel rooms, he had also seen the image of his younger brother while he was sleeping, and more than a few times. He cared about Sam more than anything, but seeing him drool on a pillow held no appeal whatsoever, as far as Dean was concerned.

So how was this any different? He carefully shifted his position as he watched Cas, who was lying curled up on the bed beside him, fast asleep. Dean was sitting straight, his back resting against the headboard. Castiel was slowly breathing in and out, his hair messy and all over the place, the left corner of his mouth turned up into an almost-smile. He was most likely dreaming. Dreaming for the first time ever in his existence, considering that this was the first time he had slept since he'd lost his grace and became human, about two days ago. Dean swallowed as Cas stirred, and it wasn't until now that he realized that Cas' fists were still clinging to his shirt. And it wasn't until now that Dean realized that he'd already been staring at Cas for a solid thirty minutes. Without getting bored, and without having any plans of taking his eyes away from the angel anytime soon. Well, ex-angel actually…

Regardless of Castiel not being an angel anymore, to Dean he still looked like one. Perfect, gorgeous, breathtaking... Out of this world. It was a shame that his eyes were closed. Those heavenly blue eyes. Dean secretly enjoyed it when those eyes were staring at him like he was the most interesting creature on the planet. Staring at him as if they were looking straight into his soul. Which they probably were. Hold on... Holy shit, where did all of those thoughts come from? He did not just have those thoughts about Cas. Cas, his buddy, his partner in crime, his savior... Sure, Dean and Cas had been through a lot together. They were best friends, Dean would die for him… but that was all there was, right? Dean was into females, very much so. He liked women. He dated women. He had sex with women.

He was repeating those things in his head over and over again, as if he was trying to convince himself. But truth be told; Even though he had tried to suppress it most of the time, he more than once had felt affected by the angel in ways that could not simply be labeled as 'friendship'.

Dean was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable because of his own feelings, but then he was distracted by the sound of Cas, who was incoherently mumbling. Dean couldn't stop a tiny smile from spreading across his face. It seemed that Cas was the kind of human who talked in his sleep. He muttered all sorts of things, but none of them were clear enough for Dean to make any sense of it. Until Cas whispered one word that stood out from the rest of the slurred sentences that he was uttering. 'Dean'.

Needless to say, Dean would be a downright liar if he denied that this was making him feel all kinds of unusual things in the pit of his stomach. Also, this was probably the point where it was highly recommended for Dean to leave Cas' room. Or at least his bed. But Dean didn't feel like even moving an inch. Not to mention; he had a legit reason for being in Cas' bed, Cas wanted him to be there…

-xxx-

Two hours earlier…

Dean was on his way back to his room from the kitchen. It was nearly 3am, but he'd gone there for a late night snack, because he'd been unable to sleep thanks to his growling stomach. Or that was the factor he liked to blame for his inability to slip into unconsciousness. The actual problem probably had more to do with Sam's still unstable health, or the picture of falling angels that was burned into his mind. Not to mention the threats that Crowley had thrown at him, swearing that he would get revenge on the Winchesters, starting with Sam… All of these things made that Dean was restless and on edge ever since that night when everything had gotten completely fucked up.

Dean was lost in thought, and so he wasn't paying attention at first when he passed Cas' room in a zombie-like state...

It was still a bit surreal that Cas was now living with them. After the two brothers had found the angel, who was now in fact very human, they'd taken him to the place that was the closest thing to a real home that they'd had in quite some time; the bunker that was set up by the men of letters. There were plenty of rooms there, and so the Winchesters had given Cas his own room, making that he could stay with them until he figured out where to go from here. And honestly, he was going to need some serious help if he wanted to survive as an ordinary human.

Dean came to a slow stop as his tired eyes vaguely noted that the door of Cas' room was only partly closed, and when he sneaked a look inside, he saw that his friend was still wide awake, sitting up straight on the comfy bed, blankly staring at the wall. He also registered the discarded book on the nightstand; Cas had given up on reading it. He was wearing one of Dean's old shirts to sleep in, seeing as a shopping trip hadn't been exactly high on their list of priorities after that dreadful night. Dean would go back to hell before he would ever admit that he liked seeing Cas in his shirt. Fuck, he did not just think that.

"Cas?" Dean said his name cautiously as he pushed the door open a little further.

"Hello Dean." Cas replied, smiling wistfully at the oldest Winchester.

At least that hadn't changed. Dean still got the customary greeting from him, the same one Cas would always give whenever he popped up out of nowhere and invaded Dean's personal space.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Dean checked, casually leaning against the frame of the door.

Castiel gave him another weary smile, but a smile nonetheless. Dean could guess why; After everything that had happened, Cas was tremendously grateful that his friend was acting normal towards him and wasn't blaming him for any of last week's events. Sure, Dean had been royally pissed off at first, but he had also figured that everything the angel ever did, he merely did to help him and Sammy. Cas always did what he thought was the right thing to do for all of them, and even if he made some bad choices at times, that didn't stop Dean from feeling a certain need to protect the now fallen angel, who had saved his ass on many occasions. In fact, he had felt nothing but immense relief when he'd found out that Cas had survived, even though he'd lost his 'angel-mojo', as Dean liked to call it.

"Seriously, are you alright?" Dean pressed, seeing as Cas hadn't responded yet.

Cas let out a soft sigh. "I'm fine, Dean. It's just that I can't seem to get the hang of this sleeping-thing."

"Oh…" Dean mouthed, a little surprised.

He had expected that a lot of common human habits were going to be confusing or challenging for Cas, but sleeping wasn't one of the things that Dean had placed on the complications-list.

"Funny thing, isn't it? Sleeping." Castiel mused. "I'm not ashamed to admit that I've often envied humans because they are able to sleep. To forget about every insignificant problem, every bad thought... Forget about reality. If only for a little while… It must be so peaceful."

Dean frowned at his friend. "If you're so curious, why are you so set against trying it yourself now that you're human?" He joked lightly.

The fallen angel ran a hand through his already disarrayed dark hair. "Believe me, I've tried. It just doesn't seem to be working."

"Wait, so you haven't slept ever since…" Dean trailed off, seeing as Cas was already shaking his head, indicating that Dean was right.

"My body is tired, I suppose my head is simply too full, if that makes any sense." Castiel explained, evidently not yet accustomed to all these human feelings and emotions that were brand new to him.

Dean shrugged away from the doorframe, hesitantly walking up to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

"It makes sense." Dean assured him, aiming for a smile that looked reassuring. "But you need to try and sleep, dude. No need for me to remind you about what happened that time when Sam had 'sleep issues'.

Cas winced a little, because he knew exactly what Dean was talking about; the time when Sam had gone crazy thanks to being locked up in a cage with Lucifer for too long. The time when the youngest Winchester had almost died because of sleep deprivation. If it hadn't been for Cas taking the curse away, Sam surely would've died…

"Look, you just need to clear your head. Relax a little, calm down." Dean offered, swiftly moving on from the not so pleasant topic of cursed Sam.

"How am I supposed to accomplish that when my thoughts won't keep quiet?" Cas asked, sincerely sounding at a loss.

Dean subconsciously angled his body a bit more towards Cas. "I guess…" He paused, trying to find a way to explain it.

Castiel lifted his eyebrows as a sign for him to continue.

"I guess… you just try to forget about the bad thoughts for a while. You know, keep the good ones, that make you happy and content… Jeez man, I don't know! Sleeping is just something humans do, it's supposed to come naturally, there's no manual!" Dean sounded rather frustrated towards the end of his attempt at an explanation.

Cas shot him a confused glance. "Is that all?"

Dean rolled his eyes, but there was some humor in them. "Yes Cas, that's all. And here's a hint; it would also help if you lie down, sleeping while sitting up straight is problematic for most humans."

"Right, I see." Cas muttered as he processed what Dean had just told him, gradually moving from a sitting to a lying position.

"Just try not to think about the past week. What's done is done, and there's nothing we can change about it, you hear me? This is a safe place, you're safe now. As far as demons and angels go, this is the safest place you could be. Get some rest, man." Dean tried to put Cas' mind at ease.

"I have no doubts that it is." The angel without a grace slowly blinked up at Dean as he rested his head on the soft pillow.

Dean, who hadn't moved from his position on the edge of the bed, decided to throw in a joke, mocking Castiel by stealing a line that the angel had used on him some time ago.

"I'll watch over you."

Too bad for the oldest Winchester brother, Cas was no expert when it came to recognizing a joke.

"Will you?" He asked pleasantly yet completely serious, an almost invisible smile lighting up his smooth, pale face.

Dean's eyes widened as Cas' blue eyes bored into his. Normally, his reply would've sounded something like: 'Hell no, Cas you're such a freak, who does that?! Personal space remember, let's not get all creepy here!'

But right now… Dean had major trouble voicing any kind of response. He blamed those stupid eyes. They where just too big and blue, and bright. And they held a sort of innocence that was impossible to resist.

"Cas, I was just…" Dean tried, but gave up mid-sentence when Cas' mouth twisted into something that could only be described as a pout. A very adorable pout.

Damnit! What was wrong with him? He wasn't attracted to guys, and he sure as hell was not attracted to Cas. No way. He was not attracted to that stupid angel, who always wore that same stupid trench coat, always made him feel uncomfortable with his intense stares, and always stalked him while he was trying to sleep. The angel who always disappeared unexpectedly, sometimes for days in a row, making Dean worry about him like crazy. Again Dean mentally cursed himself for even thinking these things in the first place.

For a moment he feared that some demon had infected his brain without him noticing, filling it with inappropriate thoughts about his friend… But when he thought deeper… He had to admit that this wasn't the first time that he was thinking about his angel buddy this way.

"Are you alright, Dean?" Cas questioned.

Dean realized that he'd been blankly staring at Cas for an immeasurable amount of time.

"Would it… Help you? If I stayed, I mean?" Was Dean's hesitant response.

Castiel merely nodded in silence.

"Fine then…" Dean managed to say after clearing his throat.

"Does that mean you'll stay?" Cas verified to make sure.

Dean tiredly rubbed his forehead with his hand. "It means that I'm… not leaving." It was his last futile attempt to make it all sound less weird and cheesy, but that hardly changed the fact that it was beyond weird and cheesy.

Yet, however bizarre this was, it also felt surprisingly good, exciting even. Cas scooted over to the right side of the bed, in order to make more room for his favorite Winchester. Dean pulled his legs up, onto the bed, his back leaning against the headboard as he sat in the same position that Cas had been sitting in before Dean had commanded him to lie down.

"The things I do for you, angel boy." Dean grumbled under his breath.

Cas was resting on his side, faced to Dean, once more looking up at him with those big blue innocent eyes. "I'm not an angel anymore, Dean." He stated unnecessarily, pain and sadness hiding behind his words as his own statement seemed to be sinking in.

Dean snorted softly at how Cas always had the habit of taking things way too literally, but was soon back to serious when he realized how horrible his friend was probably feeling right now. Not only had he lost his powers, he had lost a part of himself, a part of who he was. Of what he always had been, for millennia now. It made Dean feel like he had to say something to comfort him…

"Well… To me you're always gonna be my guardian angel, with or without the angel mojo. So get used to it." The words were out of Dean's mouth before he was able to stop himself.

Where had that come from? He wanted to punch himself in the face. What was he? A freaking lovesick fifteen year old girl? God, he had sounded so mushy. And Dean Winchester didn't do mushy. Not ever… Except whenever Cas is included, a very unwelcome voice in the back of his head taunted.

Before Dean could inwardly punish himself some more, he forgot about his annoyance as he saw a change in Cas, those large eyes radiating a certain calm now. As if he'd finally heard something that was enough to console him. To make him feel like he wasn't useless. Something that guaranteed him that maybe, just maybe, things would turn out to be alright in the end. There was an outstretched silence as Dean and Castiel held one of their infamous staring contests, until Cas was the one who ended it.

"Dean?" He made the hunter's name sound like a question.

"Yeah Cas?" Dean replied, slightly amused now at the typical way in which Cas spoke by default.

"Thank you." He replied quietly, giving Dean the first real smile that he had showed anyone in a long time.

"No problem, you can thank me by getting your ass to finally go to sleep." Dean returned the smile as he said this. "And not just your ass, also the rest of you." He added dryly before Cas had a chance to beat him to the punch by asking what Dean was referring to.

Cas snickered to Dean's surprise. "I got it the first time, Dean." He said, sounding pretty pleased with himself.

Dean groaned exasperatedly. "Great. Sleep, angel boy. Now..."

-xxx-

And that's how Dean Winchester had ended up in this unlikely position. Fascinatedly staring at a sleeping guy. A guy. This was so wrong. This was so not Dean. However, the warm feeling inside that he had experienced when a sleeping Cas had grabbed the fabric of his shirt somewhere along the way, was telling him otherwise. This was so messed up. He had to stop this before it got any worse, this was one more problem on top of everything else, and Dean didn't feel like dealing with it. At all. Besides, what about Cas? It seemed that angels had very different standards when it came to personal space, or being in love even, but surely Castiel didn't look at Dean in that way. All of this was so fucked up.

Dean had completely lost track of time while thinking everything through, but he didn't really care how long he'd been here. His eyes roamed over Cas' sleeping face again. Over that messy, ebony hair that he'd grown to love. He had to resist the urge to touch it. More accurately; he failed to resist the urge to touch it.

He tried not to think too hard about what he was doing when his fingertips gently stroked through the soft black strands of hair that had fallen in front of Cas' face. No matter how wrong this was, in this moment, it felt more right than anything he had ever felt. Now that he was breaking all the rules anyway, his fingertips gently skimmed Cas' cheek, and after that he moved on to the mild stubble on his jaw…

Dean flinched when Cas suddenly moved his head. He jerked his hand away as if he'd been electrocuted.

Cas' voice was slurry when he spoke, half-awake. "No, Dean…"

It felt like Dean got kicked in the stomach by a nasty demon when he heard the sound of Cas rejecting him.

"I- I am… I am so sorry, Cas. I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm…" He rambled, but Cas interrupted him.

The fallen angel's bright blue eyes were half opened now, a slight twinkle in them. "That's not what I meant, Dean. The touching thing is… fine. But I was finally mastering the art of sleeping when you woke me up again."

Dean just stared at Cas, speechless.

"It's even kind of funny, considering that you are usually the one complaining about personal space." Cas added matter-of-factly, because Dean was still not talking.

When the hunter finally found his voice again, he had to control himself to make it sound less shaky. "Look, I'm sorry, man. It's just, while you were sleeping… I was thinking of things. You know, you, me… All kinds of things, and I… got carried away."

"And had to wake me up again." Cas said, sounding way too amused for the seriousness that this conversation required.

"Yeah… I should really… go." Dean said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

He was about to do just that, when Cas interrupted him, getting up into a sitting position that was mirroring Dean's, gently grabbing his wrist to stop him. "Dean, wait."

He froze, looking at Cas questioningly, following his every movement, but not saying a word.

"If I'm correct, this is what you were thinking about while I was sleeping…" As Cas made his statement, his hand tentatively reached out, and he placed it at the back of Dean's neck, gently forcing Dean's face closer to his. Dean was too stunned to object, and willingly let Cas guide him, until their noses were almost touching.

Castiel was sending some silent message with his wide eyes, before closing the remaining distance between them, hesitantly brushing his lips against Dean's. It was nothing like Dean had expected. It wasn't awkward, or embarrassing or unnatural. All he could feel as Cas' soft lips were moving with his was warmth, and excitement, and pure bliss. Nothing he had ever felt with any woman. Ever.

Before he even fully realized what he was doing, Dean's hands had found their way into his favorite angel's hair again, ruffling it even more as the kiss deepened.

Far too soon for Dean's liking, Cas gently pulled away. Dean didn't even attempt to hide his shock as they silently stared at each other, like they'd so often done before. Except now, there was a whole different meaning in both their eyes.

"I take it I'm right." Cas said, definitely sounding a little smug. "But if you don't mind, I'd prefer to talk about this tomorrow, because I am truly tired. You could use some sleep as well, Dean." He subtly brushed along Dean's jawline with the back of his fngers as he spoke.

"I… Yes. I mean, tomorrow's cool with me. More than cool… Awesome." Dean Winchester was painfully aware that he sounded like a love-struck teenager, yet didn't have the energy to care. "I should ehm… His hand made a gesture in the general direction of his own room."

Castiel cocked his head to the side. "You're welcome to stay here, you know. I have no objections to sharing this bed with you…"

-xxx-

So Dean had come full circle. Again he was staring at Castiel, who was peacefully sleeping. Only this time, Dean was lying right beside him, one of his arms wrapped around his fallen angel, who was contentedly snuggling against his chest. Whatever strange situations or awkward looks this relationship would get once they announced it in public, he had weighed all the pros and cons, and had decided for himself that it would be worth it. Because to him, nothing had ever felt this true, or real.

He loved this broken angel more than he'd ever loved any woman, and if he wanted to be happy, if only for a little while in his mostly miserable life, he had to stop fighting his feelings, and instead revel in them. He also promised himself that, no matter what, he and Sam were going to try their freaking best to get Castiel's grace back. After all; they'd done plenty of stuff that was equally impossible, or plain crazy...

Dean clearly remembered how his mother was always telling him and Sammy that 'angels watched over them', and this angel had done a pretty damn good job at that. It was only fair that they would return the favor.

"No worries, Cas… You'll be an angel again. We'll get you your wings back, I'll make sure of that, even if it's the last thing I do." He determinedly whispered his promise into the night as his hand gently stroked Cas' back at the spot where Dean assumed his wings used to be.

Whether or not Cas had heard him; he did choose that exact moment to press his body even closer to Dean's, letting out a relieved sigh, before mumbling a few short yet very significant words… 'Love… you… Dean.'

"I know. I love you too..." Were the last words Dean Winchester muttered before slipping into a long, nightmare-free sleep himself, enveloped by the warmth of his own personal angel.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
